One thing after another, then another and I've been feeling like a big failure lately. In so many ways.
It's about time (maybe even past time!) to download Ally's pump to the computer. She has the MiniMed Revel insulin pump and CGM. We use the CareLink software to download information from her pump, CGM and blood glucose meters. This is something that should only take a few minutes. NOT THIS WEEK! It took FOREVER..probably an hour. I gave up. FAILURE!
So on Wednesday, I decide I am definitely going to get something done...possibly attack that pile of Christmas decorations that have now been taken down, but are mostly sitting on my dining room table waiting to be packed up in the bins...or maybe fold one of the three baskets of laundry sitting around the living room waiting for someone to fold them and put them away. But first I walk by the computer (shame on me!) and I see this blurb about Ricki Lake making a NO NO comment. She said on national television (GMA) that Juvenile Diabetes is preventable. Now I'm distracted once again. I am a D Mama. This is not something that can be just brushed off - mistake or not. So I visit all the websites and facebook pages leaving comments for GMA and Ricki Lake making sure that they know there is another disappointed D Mama here. (*I do have to say that I appreciate Ricki Lake's apology for her mistake and correction and also GMA for airing her statement of correction on Friday.) But I didn't get the laundry done..or the Christmas decorations - again! FAILURE.
A certain teething 16 month old at my house has not been sleeping well this week. I really need her to take a nap, maybe more than she does! I finally get her down for a nap, gonna have a few minutes to myself...maybe exercise, probably clean my house a little....NOPE phone rings. School nurse. Ally is 463 and this is the second reading in 400s today. So I drop everything, wake up the FINALLY sleeping baby and rush to school to pick her up so that I can do a site change and try to trouble shoot these high numbers. Me time..Failed. 400s - Ack! What is going on? As I am driving to school I think about the possibilities. This morning when she was getting dressed, I heard her say "ouch!" as she put her sweatshirt on. Now I'm thinking I should've checked that site, which is in her arm. (Fail.) OR...Could she be getting sick? Is her pump malfunctioning? Is the insulin too old? Did we miscalculate her breakfast bolus? BREAKFAST BOLUS!!! Uh oh. As soon as I see her I check the bolus history in her pump...bolused for today's snack...bolused for today's lunch...bolused for last night's dinner. WAIT! Where is the breakfast bolus? DOUBLE FAILURE!
And the Grand Finale this week....
Ally has piano lessons after school one day a week. I take her to the piano teacher's house (6 minutes away from our house), drop her off, go back home and wait for Jessi's bus - which comes 40 minutes later than Ally's, then head back to piano teacher's house to pick Ally up. Forgot to mention that the sky opens up and decides to drop buckets of SNOW on us all about the same time. I drive in the snow all the time - I can handle it for the most part and if its bad I just stay home! Well, the roads apparently were getting bad quickly because every time I touched my brake pedal my brakes made that noise - the one when they are locking up! So I take my time, but wasn't really worried. Then I'm about half a mile from the piano teacher's street and there is a car accident - a rather serious one - ambulances, police cars, and the road is shut down. I start to get a little nervous. I didn't check Ally's blood sugar when she got off the bus, we just looked at her CGM. The piano lesson is only 30 minutes long and I would be sitting out in the car for most of it (or so I thought!) I look over and realize that her D bag is sitting on the seat of the car. I forgot to send it in with her!!!! (FAIL!) I turn the car around and decide to try and reach the street from a different direction. Roads are really getting bad now. Takes me 15 minutes to go around the other way (should only take me about 5). I try to call the piano teacher's house to let her know why I'm late and to make sure Ally is doing ok. No answer. That's weird. When I finally get around to the other side of the accident, they have the road blocked from that direction too. Now, I am nervous, panicky...but I can see the street that I need! I drive on the wrong side of the road, around all of the cars just sitting in traffic waiting for the road to re-open and explain to the highway patrol that I HAVE to get to THAT street...I can see it right there!!!! Good news is that he didn't arrest me or anything. He did give me a weird look, but I didn't care and I didn't have time to explain! When I arrived at the piano teacher's house (and to Ally) they were still playing piano very calmly...doing fine...in the dark.??? Her electricity had gone out, due to the nearby accident involving an electric pole, which also explains why she did not answer the phone when I called. Wow...those extra 20 minutes of thinking it could be who knows how long til I could get to Ally (and she did not have a meter, or juice, or glucagon with her) made me nervous..and feel like a FAILURE!!
But I have decided that the only thing to do is to stop looking at these days as my failures and just embrace each one as another day-in-the-life of Misty. I've heard myself saying this for so many days in a row. Now I know why my friend Reyna at Beta Buddies uses this as her tag line...just another day-in-the-life.